I went to a college that was known as a “shoe factory” – you go in single and come out paired. That’s kind of how things go on a small, christian campus. Girls went to get their “M.R.S.” degree – HA! I can’t say that wasn’t part of my motivation to go there. Mostly it was for the education, but finding my future husband was definitely in the back of my mind. But two years later, I left with only a business degree and a broken heart.
Back living with my parents, things felt a little hopeless. After being treated like garbage for a year, you kind of start believing that’s all you are. On top of that, I had dished out thousands of dollars for this fancy degree only to find myself back at the part-time job I had been working before I had left for college. Good times…
Then I did something that changed everything. Something super simple. I decided to trust God (CRAZY, right??) For so long, I had felt like a failure. And guess what – I AM a failure. I had been trying to do everything on my own. I had been shutting out God’s voice for so long and doing whatever I felt like doing. And then I had the nerve to blame Him for everything going wrong in my life. So stupid. And with that realization, it was like relief just washed over me. I gave up everything I had been struggling with to God. And He took it all off my shoulders and put it onto His.
And then for the first time in a long time, I heard God speak to me. I think it might have been the first time ever, actually (at least that clearly). One night, in the middle of a full-blown breakdown, feeling stuck in my dead-end, part-time job, I prayed to God. AND HE ANSWERED. It was like He whispered into my ear exactly where I was going to work. Later that night, I went to that particular organization’s website, and under their job openings was a position that was EXACTLY what I had been looking for. I applied that evening, and the following business day, received a phone call asking me in for an interview. A week later, I had my first full-time job in the degree I had gone to school for.
God also began healing my heart at this time and filling me with His peace. God’s peace began to dull the aching in my heart, and I began to feel okay with who I was and with whatever God’s plan was for me, particularly when it came to finding a husband. It was with this peace that God introduced Daniel into my life. I agreed to go on a blind date with little expectation that it would go anywhere, and after our first date, I still felt that way. But after our second date, I was a little more hopeful. And after just a couple of dates more, he told me he loved me, that he knew he loved me after our second date. I was absolutely amazed. Part of me still believed I wasn’t worthy of love, and yet here was this man who loved me from the very beginning, who put me above his friends and drove 2 ½ hours every weekend to see me.
The point I’m trying to make in all this rambling: TRUST GOD. I’m honestly writing this as a reminder to myself more than anything as it’s something I still struggle with today. I’ve been finding myself falling back to my old ways, struggling to make everything bend to how I want them to go and once again failing miserably. There is such a peace when you relinquish control to God and trust that He’s going to do what’s best for you. Proverbs 3:5-6 says this: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” I hope this verse can be as much of a reminder to you as it has been to me.